The kids here break my heart--absolutely, wholly, empathetically. I am in love with them as I would be in love with myself--narcissism, idealism, dysfunctionality. I have a thing for three things in a roll, but I'm sick right now so I feel like having a fit instead. I hate the bars because of the smoke that make my eyes spin and my nose run, but I like the way she talks about the crazier things as the ordinary, and for the first time in my life, I felt ordinary in a cluster of the extraordinary. Hello, hello, love, where have you been all my life. Have you been here all this time, and it was just me who's left you? What if I were to say I'm back, would you take me piece by piece, would you excuse my lack of four-character idiomatic expressions, would you love me, could you please. It's been lonely, because it's been lonely.
I guess I've always been under the incorrect assumption that I am one of the few extraordinary weirdos out there, now I think my brand of eccentricity is... haha, get this, distinctively Chinese. I've no common ground with the American emo, indie, artsy, theatre, pothead, hippie kids. This is where I belong. No this is not in my head. Yes I'm racist. Yes when we throw around words like loneliness and jealousy and love and the lack thereof, I knew we were in the same realm of sensitivity. I just don't know why 10 years haven't changed who am I at the root.
I've always sort of assumed the last 10 years were pivotal to my life, but now I know, they're only... I don't know, what were they? A turn... let's get back on the highway now. It's funny that I'm writing in English though. I feel like such a bastard sometimes. I don't want that place. There's nothing wrong with that place. It's just me. We're different blood types, and so when we make babies, it'll get blood cancer. That's all, that's all, neither is at fault, neither here nor there. With that said, New York should be kept, for ROHANNNN ROHANNNN... miss that kid.
I have been reading the much recommended Annie Baby. Ah yes, the author I would have picked up a while ago if it weren't for the juvenile name. If you ever want to understand/be poisoned by the dark side of the Chinese psyche, she's it--all poetry, beauty, rawness, love, and scathing letters.