Dear莎, I have started, written, rewritten, deleted, started this entry again about three times. My English is evidently deteriorating, and I may soon have a better reason to write in LJ other than whining. I may need it to keep a language. Ai~```` why on earth do you choose to want two languages?

To your text, I am with my belated reply: I am good.

Today I went to Ray's place, he's the one I mentioned about: 300GBs of music, too many CDs, EPs, LPs, records, obscure-magazines-lying-around to count, smokes, a great great kid (right and who's older haha). I think the reason I like these artsy Chinese kids so much (I mean, other than they are Chinese) is that they don't let art consume them. One might say great art is born out of circumstances that requires... shall we say a little bit of madness and genius, but I think for friends, I like 'em with ambition, a good head on their shoulders, a day job and daydream. Ray's day job is a sound engineer/editor at the radio station. He's slick with all musical details and hates karaoke because he inhales and exhales sound everyday. He knows his American rock n' roll more than most Americans. He's a good good guy. Two more friends came by later, Dai and 97, we listened to a lot of music  and watched a lot of music videos, short films, cool commericials. Ray exclaimed during one CM that "all we can do is imitate (China imitate the west), all we can do is imitate..." Dai is a cutie. She works at the radio as a host and knows her shit, but when she calls her mama she sounds like an adorable 10-year-old kid. As for 97, I think I'm secretly in love with his soul. There's something about this kid that strikes a chord, something familiar something warm something nice. He's a photographer/animator with good eyes, blackeyes. I like listening to the three of them talk. They are bold and fresh kids. They comment on a lot of things I don't know, drop a lot of names I don't know, bring up concepts I don't know, speak Chinese words that I don't know... I feel a bit of the age and culture and vocabulary gap, but I love listening to them mold concepts and draw out thoughts and... I think I like one-on-one conversations in Chinese because I can draw the borders closer to what I am familiar with.

After Ray's place I went to a bar to meet up with another friend with a set of friends that I never met. Struck up a conversation with one of them about Chinese media, western media, media in general... and so this is my life... talking reading playing writing absorbing... trepidating.

Lately, I am getting more and more unsure of this future thing, of what I can do, of what can I do? I almost don't want to leave Tianjin, because it's too hard to start over, it's too tiring to start over..........

LifeisLove. Howareyou?