I have developed some sort of a speech impediment. My mind is dominated by a landscape of white spots in between a few big words. This manifests in real life in the manner of a many ellipsis... a few uhs... a sudden deep contemplation that caves to silence then dives to catastrophic awkwardness. I am at best quixotic, mostly an idiot, at worst a quixotic idiot. And it is the potency of this inability to conjure words from that vast expanse known as my mind, siphoning through tubes to condensed verbal brilliance... It is the moment of vulnerability being lost in the web of communication, that frightens me, that frightens me, that disgusts me. I avoid people like a plague in order I could avoid communication. (okay, this is exaggerating) I read written sentences of complex structures in order so I may regain this stupid language. I listen to BBC and NPR and Anderson Cooper on PodCast and absorb Stewart (Jon)'s every comedic pause in order to save myself. And I fail. And I mutter baka in my sleep. In all honesty I just want to be smart again. BAKAAAA.
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Whine much?