Well, China blocked LJ. Here I am with proxy. Proxies pain in the ass. All is good. Don't delete journal thanks. See you next year. Here is entry from eons ago.

Well, I don't know, lately I'm unsure of everything, especially writing (because, apparently, that is what I do now). I really do get a convulsion of fear when I read a good, eloquent English essay by a Chinese person who can write a better, brilliant essay in Chinese. I really do, it's a cross between jealousy and the fear of mediocrity after all. But we won't talk about that, that's something that will probably hunt us for the rest of our lives, so before the dead end, I've rather enjoy the ride.

I have to admit though, I am infatuated with the elitist subculture of artists, designers, technocrats, and music freaks... really, the non-glitter non-gauze all glossy white i-pod colored homemade toys make me nervous... and that's about it. In life, I've come to realize (after piano lessons, art lessons, dance lessons, dreams of becoming a mathematician, say wahh, yeah for about a second) that I simply DO NOT LIKE TO DO ANYTHING other than writing. I like art fine, but I really hate art when I have to draw it, read it, or study it. I love music and everybody who knows me thinks I'm a music nerd unless they are a bigger one (likely), but I really can't do too much music like some of the impressive kids I know. I would simply explode with the xxxxx number of gigabits of music and a wikipedia full of knowledge of musical history blee blahh blueee. The problem is, the problem is, the problem is...... writing is like happiness, you have to write about something, like you have to find something to be happy about. The problem is, I only like writing, and nothing else supplemental to this life like ART, and MUSIC. The problem is... I find myself bending in the direction of writing a lot about supplemental life lately. It's not bad, I mean, it's better than writing papers, but I'm also kind of a stubbornly passionate perfectionist, and I just have to find things I care not 79 but 97 percent about.

I have to love it wholly, torridly, madly, truly, deeply, haha bring back the Aussies....

In conclusion, I want to only write about...


mushrooms from now on I will write about only.

I've taken on a rare liking of mushrooms lately, along with Christian Bale. Mnnn... Christian Bale and fungus, how can a girl's life be any better?

When she finishes the god unending translations. You know, it's one thing to write, but whole other thing to translate. One of them is hell in heaven, the other is heaven hell in hell.