Celibacy, Thank God

After some rather serious admonishments from friends in deadpan voices: “Maybe you should try not being with a guy for a while…” here’s something to celebrate: I have not been with a guy for three months and six days. This could be a dangerous streak, because it feels like it’s only been two months and six days, but on counting, it’s been a season, a full semester, a fourth of a year already. In the grand scheme of always having someone around for the past five years (one serious and a few too many tumultuous ones), this is interesting. Here are twelve revelations upon regaining singledom.

1) This is learning that you like to cook and have a penchant for cleaning and re-arranging, maybe bordering obsessive-compulsive... 2) This is truly appreciating the silence, the minutes of waiting for that toast to pop up. 3) This is spreading the jam, as much jam as you want on that toast. 4) This is not always gossiping about men troubles with your girlfriends because sorry love life non-existent what else do we have in common? 5) This is actually having guy friends. 6) This is not having sex because what with the before, after, emotional in betweens, and "let's not put a label on this," it’s a serious time eater and you'd rather read War and Peace so that it feels like you’ve actually conquered a milestone in your twenties. 7) This is having no guilt about being a workaholic. 8) This is having no guilt about hanging out with your friends and flirting around. 9) This is becoming the girl not answering emails or text messages and being totally irresponsible and maybe kind of mean but better than the girl who waits for that godforsaken text message. 10) This is getting to watch whatever the hell you want, which, incidentally, is neither art house nor action comedies. In fact, you discover you only have enough patience for apple.com/trailers. 11) This is waking up early and blasting music from the "Baller" Songza playlist instead of tiptoeing because apparently no one gets up early to appreciate the beauty, the absolute beauty that is the rising SUN. 12) This is about selfishness, and embracing every soul-searching minute of it.

Enjoy it while it lasts, or until cats stop following you and vibrators fail you.