When I was a kid, I had this habit of sprinting everywhere. This meant running short distances from point A to point B for errands. I figured why walk when you can run? I don't sprint my 5'9 frame around anymore, but to this day, it's hard for me to stand still on escalators. Sometimes it feels like I've got a teenage boy kicking and screaming inside my body, like I'm always clawing to go faster and harder. Sure, there was an attempt to be more lady-like last year when I set out on to buy long cotton skirts. Sure, workaholism was probably a psychological side effect of this. These days, I combine the psychological with the physical.
Pushing 120KM this Saturday on a bike ride. I'm ridin' with boys with speakers attached to their bikes, Los Angelinos and marathon placers. When baby boy asked "do you frequently find yourself in these situations? Being the only girl in a pack of boys?" I laughed and said, "I guess so. Dudes are chill. I tried to be more womanly once." "And how did that work out?" he teased.
My new bike gang is also my new film crew. I drift from friends to friends but these kids are dope. All I want to do is ride bikes and go on long trips and run marathons and talk about movies that I haven't seen. Goddamn film nerds and their obscure references. It's leaving me, on top work for work, work for bike, a lot of movies and books to make up. But everything is a joy when you've got a crew and a partner in crime.
My secret agent lover man is back in New York. He's going to eat tacos steeped in hot sauce and bagels from Zuckers. I get a pain of something deeper than just missing him when he goes back to New York, like some type of weird yearning for my mystic city, my jilted lover that I left behind for an idiosyncratic dream. I don't even know what I'm looking for here anymore other than a vague feeling of needing to push myself, and having the only engine therein being from within. That's why I told him, no I don't need to go back other than for some extravagant event or maybe you being off work for 12 hours. Because New York will always live in my head, and the more I miss it, the greater it will be.
I miss you though. I miss you.
Diehard Honeys. Remember that 6KM up hill bike ride at the end of the 50KM and the next time you have any obstacles, think about it.