The Year

The year started with this, "your soul has direction." Actually, to back track properly, the year began with sickness prolonged by food poisoning and general uneasiness in the stomach, which to this day you still feel like you haven't fully recovered from. The fact of the matter is if you get sick in China, you don't just get sick for three of four days. Your body goes through thrashes of being permanently weakened, and full recovery may not happen until you leave the country for a bit. That's how I feel about this ever since getting hit with a cold that took a month to recover from last last year. Not just sickness, the China sickness. It's a sickness from the brows to the bowels.

Good thing your soul has direction. When Re said that, you quipped back with something like, "as long as it all ends in a crescendo." Sometimes you're pretty sure your mind hasn't changed from your fourteen-year-old self, and though lately you've begun to regret that you clearly didn't read enough at fourteen, you miss that sense of unabashed dreaminess, and weirdness, and everythingness. Everything is much more graceful and correct now. When you hear yourself speak with such gusto and move with purpose, when you work out and listen to NPR, when you subscribe to all the smart things and eat all the right brands of chocolates and listen to all the right bands, what's left? Where's the weird niche or the tiny universe that you could tuck yourself in?

But you're not Fei. You have this proclivity to appear together just to prove your type isn't some pushover dreamer type, until this effort to prove something has already re-wired your brain, and you can no longer not freak out when people are already four minutes late to the meeting and haven't called to let you know why.

But you go on, and you wade through, and you learn, hopefully you learn. That, beyond anything else is the New Year's resolution, that no matter what happens, you will learn, and you will love your parents. Right, you'll really have to do something with your two favorite people in the world, mom and dad. Who knew the tune of this one is going to you, but this year's for you guys.