"Soon, she and the rest of them would be ironic much of the time, unable to answer an innocent question without giving their words a snide little adjustment. Fairly soon after that, the snideness would soften, the irony would be mixed in with seriousness, and the years would shorten and fly. Then it wouldn't be long before they all found themselves shocked and sad to be fully growin into their thicker, finalized adult selves, with almost no chance for reinvention." -The Interestings, by Meg Wolitzer
Who knew at some point you'd become a professional wedding goer. You just go through the motions now. The thoughtfully designed invitations, the new dress you pick out appropriate for both wedding and client meeting, the miles you travel, the ceremony, the bride's costume changes, the toasts, the parents, the smiles.
At some point, life becomes a rehearsal of milestones, and everyone a puppet of fate. If the spotlight is bright enough, and you are giving your Oscar-worthy performance, then a moment breaks through at these milestone moments, and life is sheer fucking gorgeous. Other times, such as when you are subject to witness too many of other people's milestones, you feel a little helpless, like something is inevitably ending in the way that childhood ended, and sixteen ended, and your first job ended, and your first love ended.
Milestones are reminders that no matter how special you thought you were, you will fall into the design of being human. That no matter how hard you dreamed of being exceptional, the urge to love, to carry a child, to have the good life, to have peace, to reach the happy ending is an alienable right.
Going to Annie's engagement party reminded me of how young we still are. If thirty is the new twenty then here we are, graduating from teenagehood and whimsy. Yet on the other end we talk about friends in small voices, those who didn't quite yet find the script of their lives. What are they still doing circling that intersection, and when will they find the compass of their lives?
Now is no longer the time to linger on the curb, the world seems to say. Now is the time to be poised and knowing. Now is the time to get your act together, and perform. Or maybe, now is the time to cherish what you have, and live not for society or anyone's expectations, but only yours, and what you excites you, live for yourself.